Help,

Help,

(see how lucky i am, i just deleted this post by accident, this is my second writting)

Help, im in pain. I need change, i need something. I'm hurt, I'm so lonely, and i count the hours before i can go run away in my dreams.

I'm on the verge of quitting my jobi stop my driving lessos,my bestfriend leaving on a trip with her lover, my other bestfriend is happily (ever) in love, my other good friend is getting along with our other friend, my guys bestfriend is a loser and seems to get invited to all the parties (and has another lover), the suppose to be love of my life is not so that anymore, i feel like a million pounds, not a million buck, my back is killing me, my room is a mess, I'm so alone, I'm just me, with my self, with I. And its killing me like you could not even know..

I'm cold, I'm hurt, I'm a shadow of regerts. As i walk down the stairs i can hear the broken pieces clingning in my body who oh boy, looks so built. I'm there staring at this screen hoping the hight of my day's going to be one wonderful dream. I want to change, i need change, i need someone to look too, someone to tell me they love me, someone to keep close to my heart, someone who's gonna keep me stable, and show me shaking grounds, don't mean breaking glass.

But then what, I'm gonna find a new job, practice driving, maybe she'll be with him?, maybe she'll stay with him? Will she still bash about her? Will he fall in lover with his new lover? Will he sleep with her, and love her like i loved him? Will my 3-day works out pay off? Will i get more money? will i decided to majorly clean up my room, sucking every dirt out of it? Will i find somebody to look at me with eyes that shine, and kiss him, touch him, love him, be with him.

Misery loves compagne. What i dumb and true thing to say, here i am miserable, waiting for somebody to give me something. Here i am standing here with my dead arms after work with my hair wet as my heart. My cell being delayed like a bitch, my heart breaking appart but rescothing it self after a brief talk with myself? I need change, i need to do something, i really need.

I need my old job back, practice driving, i have to hope for her, i have to know they stay together, i have to stop bahshin and enjoy my night with them friday, i have to beleive i can be the other girl for him, get over the fact he moved on, and i hurted him. I have to keep working my (belly) ass off, i have to pay back my parents and stop buying, i have to clean up my room saturday, i need to have the courage, i need to put my heart, i need to have faith in the ¸fact that thing will get better with time. But tell myself, that i can't built up a confidence thats not a 100% there right now.

I need to stop crying, say good night and get over my-fucking-self.  And yet, I'm scared this is what i do all the time, and I'm just reentering my vicious circle.

I need your help, i need you.