Good girl gone bad !
07.29.08 (4:21 pm) [edit](:
okay so i won't hide it i'm not exactly what you can call a good girl. i've donne stupid thing in my minumum-years-of-life. in fact, i have lived a life full of experience (since i call mistake you learn from-experience). I like the idea of not being fit-to-a-frame. The idea od surprising people and the idea of not totally being good. I'm not a bad person, i'm nice and i don't wish-bad to others (that often 8-).
But i like the game of life and every part of it. I like to play, and let's not hide it : I HATE TO BE WITH SOMEONE. I love the single unity idea, the fact that i can play much as i want. I hate to be with someone, and just know that im FRAMED with that person and that i can't play the game without getting a penalty for being "a couple". SO call me bad for liking the game and playing it. I admit, i'm a total tease. And being in a couple is just making the game better. (Thats why i try much as i can not to be in a couple). Imagine, you're in a couple : you get a lover : you can have twice the love and you fill up the empty holes one forgets to fill.
In life there's good player and there's good watchers. I'm a player. In life there's good partner and there's good lovers. And he could be my perfect lover. SO what do i do now? Do i keep being a good girl and stick with my summer-fling-boyfriend who treats me like another girl? ( He doesnt take care of me or treats me like a girlfriend..) Or just keep him and have a secret garden (as my good friend would say?).
good girl in me says : Ditch one and get the other. Or just forget the lvoer
Bad girl in me says : Hey choose your side of the court. You can be on both side, but its risky
?? Help anyone!
What i learn by playing pool...
07.25.08 (10:51 am) [edit]A green table, a stick and a couple of balls... Sounds good doesn't it? Well turns out for me, that little green thing showed me way more then i could possibily think. yesterday i played a game of pool by myself while my boyfriend and his friends were playing guitar (I'm a cool girlfriend right? ha ha just kidding;).
So as i start the game, i figure that to everyone it starts the same way. You have the stripes and the hard ones all palced in the black triangle. You have the white ball to break it appart, and your stick to you know, help the breakin' going. So as soon as you break the triangle appart, you can see the balls going everywhere all falling appart to the kock out you gave them.
So the game follows, you try to get the balls in the holes. But its not always easy as it seems. Sometimes to get htem in you need to hit harder, meanwhile sometime all you need is a small hit to make it roll all the way in. sometimes you will get two for one, or hit the side and get the white ball in (by accident).
Sometime you aim for one and actually get the other, you stay stuck just moving the balls around without really helping your game. You get frustrated, you hit hard, get lucky and get one or more in. here and there you have to be careful not to get the 8 ball in. Its just a rule of life you know, the 8ball can't go in.. so while you might be lucky for one game, and just unlucky for another it all lies in your hand and your capacity to get the balls in. Before you hit make sure to look everywhere around, change your point of perception, maybe there's an easier way out. Be careful not to knock one over the table and hit your feet. Choose well your game, cause you enver know what you could hit or get in. You might need a ball to get another one hit, change your strenght depending where you are.
Everything is realitive in pool (and in life).
My trick? I don't hesitate and i make sure to have my eyes on the prize " get the ball in ".. Any ball i don't care. Just get one in. I don't have to make my life hard to show off a super cool trick and be like " omg did you see that!?" . I make sure ot get happy when i get one in, and just shake it off when i've been hitting everywhere for a while.
Maybe pool can not only teach you about life, but the way people play can tell allot about them ;) So tell me.. how do you play pool?
x's o's Marianne
We won't forgive, but will forget!
07.18.08 (4:37 pm) [edit]People don'T forgive they forget. You make a mistake, and most of the time it is always to be remembered. And i'm not totally blaming them i mean, the deed is done. It's just the way life works i'm guessing. You do a mistake people will forget about it, but won't forgive you. You become (or you are) what you do. And that means every little bit of "what you do".
I did a mistake 8months ago, i got too drunk. Drunk enough to get to the hospital. I'm 5"4 125lbs. Do obviously the mickey of goldshlick that i chugged in the space of 3 minutes totally thew me off. I did something stupid, i did something wrong. And i'm not going to lie about it or hid the fact that this happened. I did a mistake. Yet by people knowing this, they get to judge me as a completly rebel child who has no self control and who's totally iresponsible in every possible way.
Yet they don't understand that the first smirnoff i had was spiked. They don'T understand that after the four smirnoff i was off the track, and that i was not being myself when i chugged the mickey. I'm a straigh A student in everything (but maths), i have no problem to socialize with people around me, i was employee of the month at work, and i'm always on time when i need to get back at home. Still people have this image of me being totally drunk and out ofmy body. I was drunk and out of my body : i was not acting like ME.
People still won'T forgive me about this, they think that i'm a bad girl, that i'm an alchoolic and all i want to do is party. They just forget that thing until somebody mentions it and that it surfaces. My mother doesn't see me the same way, she doesn'T "get" me anymore. She looks at me differently. Well i have something to tell her, that your actions are not reprensenting who you are. Actions dont speak louder then words i beleive. And this actions, I did it, and i take full responsability of what i did. But don'T come and tell me that i'm a bad person.
Bad thing happen to good people. And sometime, you need to know what's wrong to know what's right. SO please next time you're about to judge somebody on what they do, take in consideration who they are. The might be good people, with one bad actions.
x's o's Marianne
If i knew i'd have to say good bye.
07.12.08 (8:50 pm) [edit]Take a deep breath and start to sing
Let him know this doesn’t have a double meaning
He looks doubtful but sits in front of you
You’re feeling the doubt ‘still go on through
With a quick look on the outside
You see him leave why’d you chose to say good bye
When the story’s left unwritten
None of you wanted to set an ending
How did it mess up, where did it begin
This non-sense of fighting over and over again
If I know I’ll never choose to say hi
If I knew that I’d have to say good bye
Lying down in a white sheet bed
Curiously not everything has been said
Shaking with every bone you’re body
All you can keep repeating is sorry
Thought so you didn’t do a thing all along
Tell him everything that has been done wrong
Close you eyes and hope he forgets
This time you actually left
How did it mess up, where did it begin
This non-sense of fighting over and over again
If I know I’ll never choose to say hi
If I knew that I’d have to say good bye
As he starts to ignore the sound of your voice
You whisper that there are only two choices
You’re breaking down in the shower
Again curled up this time you’re calling it over
There’s only two way to go
That for you him to find out and you to know
Maybe he’ll burst and say it’s you
Even if he knows to dance it takes two
How did it mess up, where did it begin
This non-sense of fighting over and over again
If I know I’ll never choose to say hi
If I knew that I’d have to say good bye
How did it mess up, where did it begin
This non-sense of fighting over and over again
If I know I’ll never choose to say hi
If I knew that I’d have to say good bye
I’d have to say good bye
I’d have to say good bye
How did it mess up, where did it begin
This non-sense of fighting over and over again
If I know I’ll never choose to say hi
If I knew that I’d have to say good bye
(5 seconds break)
If I knew thatI’d have to say good bye.
I wrote this tonight to my friend - to whom i'm sorry that i'd have to say goodbye.
"Always the best"- Give me a break.
07.11.08 (6:51 pm) [edit]My best friend, i love him and don't get me wrong, but he always needs "the best". And he's drop-dead serious about it. Only and ONLY the best. (his dad is the same). He's a rich kid and he lives by the bragging-material. Anything worth bragging will be found in his personal space.
The new Iphone came out today, and without a doubt he wanted it. (note to who-ever is reading he already has an 30GB ipod and a year old phone) . So in like the matter of two seconds their were no more "16GB iphone". Only the "cheap" 8 and 3 GB were left. So when he asked me to go downtown and look for HIM for a FCKING iphone i was happy: i'd please him by telling him there's 8GB left at rogers (i thought 8GB was the biggest my bad!) . So when i called him and figure their was only a 8GB he totally flipped out and deny even wanting to TOUCH IT. Because MISTER ONLY WANT THE BEST! Oh, and let me quote him " I thought you'd know me by now i only get the best ;) "
Maybe im just over-reacting here, but GIVE ME A BREAK. I asked him, to not-be-impolite "why the heck can't you take the 8GB if you have an 30GB ipod?" and he answered " Well my Ipod (30GB) is full, and i want to get rid of it, that's why i need the 16GB and not 8GB " ... So very calmely, with every-freaking vein in my body BOILING said " Honey, if you have a 30GB full Ipod, and a 16GB Iphone, you won't be abble to get RID of it... (Do the maths dear!) Seems like the best that's out if not best enough for you eh!? " (then he said) "well you answer your own question why would i settle for a 8Gb? I'll put the necessary on the 16GB anyways" (then i said) " dear, comon' you won't be abble to get rid of your ipod if really its THAT full. And im convince the necessary fits in 8GB(1000 songs and more). think about it : you get your iphone cheaper and you keep the ipod. TWO THINGS TO BRAG ABOUT! I have a freaking 2GB ipod and i listen to music WAY more then you. You even say yourself you like radio more then listening to your ipod. "
Now i know it was probably mean of my part to question my bestfriends actions but i just figure that always wanting the best is shallow and totally cocky. As a person he's not cocky- as an materialist he is. I dont know why, it's just totally dirving me nut's that he HAS to have the best fucking things! It's like we live in a consomation world or what? People just want big and BIGGER Even tho they don't 'Eff need it!? Seriously, what happens if you loose your charger? OH look at that : no more phone OR IPOD!
AH. Anyways fuck, it's money, and is life. I'm just happy i got him to know that he just WANTS the BEST thing 'Cause he knows that bragging about thing's is the only thing he has. So you know why not be the best at what your good at doing eh?
After all you know why not be the best at what your good at doing eh?
x's o's Marianne
'Rock your world!
07.10.08 (8:38 pm) [edit]I went to my first concert ever today! Yeah. It's kinda sad considering my age (!). I went to see Three days grace and Plain white tee's (i wore one too;). It was , beyound expectations! I love their music and i love the rock'n'roll feeling! I loved the feeling of jumping up and down (being film by a camera) and receiving a bottle of water USED by the signer (and being winked at to.. maybe im crazy.. Well i rather be crazy this time!)
I totally got estactic when they playes " i hate everything about you". This was like my song. After "riot" and "just like you" I think my knees were about to die. Jumping up and down, being RIGHT on front of them just got me totally out of sight. I couldnt beleive it, my first concert i'm right there, i catch the bottle of water and i meet a suuper cute guy! Ah. So just a note to self : don't wear a skirt if you're going to be front-row, don't bring a purse, expect to be pushed everywhere in the (stupid) mosh pits, do bring a camera, pull you hair up (if you're going to be in front of them) , and seriously bring gum. Oh! And pee before the concert.
So i got in the mushpit, i got a couple of bruises (my friend catched the towel-explains half of the bruise) and i ish-lost my voice (and hearing! haha). I'm ready to do it again! Anyways i got 3 concert to go to this summer! Maybe not as rock as this one, but eh... Versatility is the spice of life =)
Good night and hope you can rock your world =] x's o's Marianne!
PS. Maybe that's just me, but seriously it seems that the song that sound "annoying" on the radio (since they usualy play the hit a 10000000 time) just get BETTER after a concert ! And for some reason.. People you would not find attractive suddently turn to be HOT when they sing on stage... Awh the attraction of stage-perfomance!
For the love of my hairdresser!
07.09.08 (3:56 pm) [edit]As a girl, there's nobody else in the world that i trust more then my haridresser Sarah. She's beautiful, young , and has an amazing sens of style. Plus she think im pretty so, obviously i love her.
I give them kuddos for the wonderful work. They live in a high fashion world, they know every gossip and eveything thats right or wrong for you. They listen like nobody else, they ask the right questions and just make you feel georgous. Choosing a hairdresser is like going in a relationship : you need communication. With the right amount of talk, and a little bit of chemistry and cisor magic they can make you go for blah- to bam!
Who wouldnt want somebody to call you honey everytime they see you, take on the risky buisness of doing your hair and making you happy about it, while talking to you, and listening most importantly.!? They're beautiful people who probably have a night life filled with excitement, yet they're so down to earth. Can I buy one please?
From haute coiffure to the usual they're just the best friend everyone needs. They're like the starbucks people for hair! (Maybe i'm the only one who noticed that every body who worked at starbucks are incredibly outgoing and charismatic) the only gasp is i need to schedual an appointment with them. But oh' boy is it worth it or what! They're world is filled with beauty wich makes it so attractive. I love it.
Too bad i have the ambitions of working in public relations- or as in editor in chief at a magazine. I would love to work as a hair-dresser. Know the personal life of my clients, know what's hot what's not. Have the super awsome bestfriend i always wish i had. And just have beautiful freakin' hair every day! Awh. Well i'm gonna have to wait another couple of months to meet my fabulous hairdresser sarah. The one i admire so much!
Oh well to all you hairdresser in the world i raise my cisors. 'Cause you need to be good to be trusted with those!
x's o's Marianne (sensless to say i love my new hair cut right! ;)
Obssesing <3
07.08.08 (9:10 pm) [edit]I'm totally obssesing about James McAvoy. After seeying wanted (hot hot hot movie!) I just can't get enough of him. That scottish blue eyed hottie is totally my heart breaker. If only he knew what I'd to to him (oh boy.) He's just drop dead georgous and so cute and so freakin' amazing!
His litlle boy-ish frame, and his innocent look just make you want to eat him alive. And the one time he takes his shirt of in the movie and keeps on his jeans.. I swear to god i had an orgasm. He's everything i could imagine. First he scores with hot pair of jeans, second he's topless, third he puts on his belt. Those are like THE HOTTEST FREAKING MOVE I CAN SEE ON EARTH. (jeans on guys-turn on #1 . Back - turn on#2)
AH. I'm obsessing. not yet, but i could... I'm one of those people who falls in (and out!) of "love" easily. So i have to watch myself. I'm going to enjoy a couple of last pictures of him and then stop the mini-obssesion to turn into -major-James-McAvoy-compu lsion.
So What i'm putting him on my hit-list,and i'm going to have to forget about him. But if i feel down i'll just look at that picture of him in his jeans and his sweaty back.. <33 (FUCK its hot) ... Damn he's smoking.
x's o's... And you know when its legal, i might just go in give him a piece of french love (;
Go big or Go home...(not)
07.02.08 (11:16 pm) [edit]Go big or go home... I heard that one to many times! And i can't say i totally agree with it.
Its an attitude. People have this urge to Make everything so big. You need to make it big in this world to "make it" . But let me ask you something. If everybody Made it big, nobody would have place for the little stuff. The small stuff that are sometimes as important as the big stuff.
Its little people that make it work. Its small changes combine together that help us go through out the day. Its seconds that makes minutes (who makes hours, days , weeks, months years...) Its details that make a big picture so perfect, its a little help that makes us go further. Its the small things in life that makes it all better. Its dreaming in small pieces that helps you be happy.
Going too big let things go out of proportions, it keeps you from having a one-on-one contact with reality. You can think big, and see big. But for that you will have to see small things happens in order to have big things coming in your way. You can dream big, and you can have ambitions... But don't get to hight on your horse, the higher you are, the higher you'll fall.
After all King arthur pulled the sword out of the rock with small gestures,Not big ones...
Chère Danielanne
07.01.08 (5:48 pm) [edit]Chère Danielanne,
We haven't seen each other ine maybe 2-3 months, but we haven't talk together in about eight. I miss you so much! You were like a sister to me. An older sister. i admire you like a little sister would admire an older one. And you don't know how much i respect everything you do. You're pretty, down to earth, and always beleived in me. You never doubted me, or did what regular friends would do.
We both agreed, we got alon so well last summer. We get each other. And i thank you for being there for me. You never judge me for what i did, and rather then tell me what i should of done, you help me do the deed. I know we live so far appart that it's impossible for us to keep a tight friendship like we do in the summer but i miss you. I miss having somene who's my accomplice, someone who gives me advice rather then the "perfect" answer.
I want to know, how have you been? I hear you have a boyfriend , i hope he's wonderful and drop dead georgous like we both know. And that you guy's rocked the prom. I hope you parents are taking care of you, and that they understand that you don't want to take their buisness in hands. Are you still dancing the night away? Rocking the hockey guys like we would do on friday nights, laugh out loud to your incredible humor and live the life i wish i was living. Are your eyes still blue green like the beaches in Brezil , cause mine are still burning like that fire we builted on sand.
I still live down here, where my control freak parent's try to take advantage of my last years of minority to control every part of my life. i gave up on fighting them, well her. I'm counting the days 'till i turn of legal age. And beleive me that night, i'm goin to do everything i ever wish to do without them saying a god damn thing. My love life, is well as dark and twisted as ever. I'm going out with the guy of last summer (the one with who i cheated... ^^) but people don't know about it over here (where hell is about the coolest thing you could ever feel). And i still fantasize abot that hot lifeguard we both swore to always remember. Talking about lifeguard I'm wearing that T-shirt we styled together saying " surveillant " on it! I still sleep in it like we would do. Thinking we are that cool of people.
I miss you, i know i already told you this. But f u c k i miss our night's, our talks together, and you just totally being there for me. I know that friendships are like relationships, most of them they're different. And i know you have another bestfriend, i know we're boh on our own path and that we'll stop seeying each other at some point 'cause some come and some go. But can i thank you for everything you ever showed me. Thank you for being my starting point in my wonderful life, for making me a better person, and showing me that you can be freaking amazing no matter what. I still wish i could be just like you, but i know that you'd tell me that im better off as being myself.
So thank you danielanne - for being that friend, that friend-soulmate my complice in every crime we did. For being the girl who dyed my hair in front of the hot life guard (oh yeah) , for not judging me the night when i drank to much. And being that girl for me. The one with who i shop, i talk and i shared laughter. The girl who checks out guys with me, tought me the teenage life and all its slendicity.
x's o's marianne.
PS. I better see you next weekend! And the little time we can see each other , hope we'll get to enjoy them as much as we could. And maybe we both changed, but hey... Cheers to our memories Dan,