I second that one - -
06.25.08 (3:04 pm) [edit]As every girl i fantasize about many things. Weither its going to paris or meeting my true love in an airplane on my way to paris (<3) i have all those kind of fantasies. But i'll try to explain the one i get on to often, and to easily.
As a girl, everytime my eye get's to attach itself to a stranger i try to hold on to that glance he just posed on me. Like a magnet i try to count the seconds i can hold is glaze and play the "eye-to-eye" game. Who caught looking, and who'll stop looking first. It's a catch, the big tall 20 years old something man, starring and my small frame and my long dark hair. And i love more then anything starring and people enough to make them feel the audacity i have in my running veins. So this desire of me to kinda loose myself in the arms of a stranger , and my desire to keep my audacity builds up this kind of fantasy
I always see those big guy's on facebook, the typical "i work out 5 times a week " dude that smiles and catches every girls breath as he passes. He's throwing the nicest parties, he's sweet with kids but... he kinda sens that bad ass vibe. That's the guy id like to glance at. I always fantasize that he runs after me like they do in movies. The older bad-ass guy, catching that young innocent girl that holds on to a mistery. I fantasize that he starts obssessing about me, that he looks through my every-day life, start looking at me, and can't stop trying to put my piece's of puzzles together. This fantasy explains probably the reason i try to charm so much. I practice myself for the day when'll i'll cross this guy's eyes and prepare him for the ride of his life. I have given a couple of rides, but as a roller-coaster i want to meet my perfect rider. I want to surprise everybody, and with this fantasy coming to reality, oh' boy i'm going to take breaths away.
As i know this i what i keep fantasizing about this, i built myself up in order to do my best so if it happens, i have what i takes. I have the dark hair to go with the mistery, the green eyes to catch the guy, the stare and the movement to make him want to know more. But somehow, everytime I meet a stranger my fantasy backfires at me. I get obsess and the indifference of a stranger gets to me. So what do i have left? My green gaze and my long hair? That was never enough. It's good enough to catch a glimpse and hold it for about 3.5 seconds twice (like a ferrari - 0 to 60 in 3.5 i say ;) but not enought to get him to chase me, like it works in movies. (key word : movies )
Fantasies are amazing to my eyes, they built us up this glow and this hope and this golden life we all wish to have. Thought so, fantasies are not like cravings. When you fullfill one, the chances are you'll get disapointed, since you we're not in total control of what was happening. Fantasise are the desire of the imagination.
So i figure that i should stick to me green eyes and my black hair since they help me get that 3.5 seconds. But that i should maybe work more on the inside, so i work on my audacity, my energy, my hapiness and my whole product. 'Cause at the end of the day, it always show's who you are on the outside.
And if ever the trigger pulls on my fantasy and i get to meet that perfect stranger, my mystery and my-me will be real
<3 x's o's Marianne
A failing try
06.23.08 (8:28 pm) [edit]I don't like it when you call me sweetie, honey, dear or princess anymore. I don't like it ever since we agreed to give "us" a chance. I have been lusting over you, day-dreaming of the day when i'll get the guts to push you against a wall and kiss you out of suprise.
<3But now that we're not in the spontaneous mode anymore, i'm getting out of sight with this ida. I don't like the idea of us trying it, i don't like it when you talk to me like you're expecting me to answer something. I don't like it, yet i doubt i'm going to have butterflie in my stomach when i see you.. If ever we get the chance to see eachother... And yet i have another secret to tell you, another confession from me.. I just learned something, and I'm sorry if it just shows you, that i didn't change.
I got told that he loves me, the guy who i think is the love of my life. The one i told you about. I just learned that he liked me, that HE LIKES ME. And unlike you, who took two months to admit it, he's planning on telling me if i do something about it. I don't fantasize about kissing him, i did,i fulfilled a craving when i wanted to fulfilled it. He likes me, he refused TWO girls for ME. I can't beleive it, that again the two man's of my current life have crossed a path together. Both, simultaneously have decided to provide me trouble.
What is it? What is it with the constant test of my love of myself. I'm trying to CHANGE to become a better PERSON to stop cheating hearts, breakin myself and others appart. And there stands the biggest decision i have to take. Two man's, two towns, one decision, one heart, an 320km set appart.
So tell me what i have to do now? Obviously i want something to happen with my soulmate, he's my SOULMATE for fuck sakes! I don't beleive we're meant to be together for no reason! I didnt make a playlist of our past year on my ipod for no fuckin reason!! But then again, i told my best friend that i had a thing for him. We act as a couple when we're together, we fight like a couple when we're together. And i do have a playlist (that you use) on my ipod...
thought so, I think we both know (me vs me) that I'm going to choose the one who'm
* Testing * Testing *
06.15.08 (1:02 pm) [edit]Exams are just driving me out. Its crazy:) I do everything i can to study and yet not want to kill myself. I started by getting in my bikini and tanning/studying.. Work out until a storm arrived... Then i try studying with my brother, drink something nice.... Eat, isten to music... Yeah i tryed it all... I have to keep my grades high, this year is the year university check. So 80's please stay with me!
Beside math, wich does nothing more then make me want to suicide myself, i'm in the 80's for law,religion and french.. I'm done french, i now have religion tomorow, math tuesday law wensday.... Oh well, 1 down three to go.. X.X Can anybody help me? :) Now beside the fact i cryed friday and saturday 'cause the douchebag i might like is making me ride one kind of a rollercoaster... AH
Meanwhile, there's a hot storm, i don't know what it is about storm... they're just soo... ohhh ... i just love them.. Hardcore sound, hardcore light, hardcore rain... It's a hot show we got here:) Plus wind... Awh ..
Well i have one more thing on my to-do list... ;)
Jealousy
06.08.08 (12:46 pm) [edit]For those of you who speak french,you might know this saying " J'avoue je suis jalouse, et j'adore sa ". For those of you who don't speak french if basicly means " I admit, i'm jealous, and loving it " . Well for some reason i love this quote, i think it's very authentic. Rare are the people who can admit that they're jealous. And perhaps loving it is making life easier.
but what exactly is jealousy? I feeling of wanting something that is not yours? Praticly this make sens. We always want what we cant have. So is it possible to enjoy not having somethign? Well i think yes, I'm trying to put this quote to us. Right now I'm going to say this, I'm jealous and I'm loving it. Because being jealous is like a kick to go further, iits a motivation to get it, its the missing piece to convit ourselfves to do something. Being jealous can help you to go do somethig. Someone's smarter then you? Study harder and get smart! You're jealous of her body? Work it out! Jealousy and ambition are a nice combination together if you can work it off... but you need to know that there's good and bad jealousy (obviously that basicly the way life woorks!). You can be jealous of someone cause they have somebody else.. And that's just a feeling that throws you down...
So basicly people just need to know how to make lemonade out of lemons right? To tell you i'm jealous of the following things : (and this one is good jealousy ^^) My bestfriend and her boyfriends complicity, the girl that's always being aroung my guy bestfriend, the body of my bestfriend.... And yeah i wish i was rich, but being jealous of material things such as objects and money is just a waste of time to me..
But tell me, what are you jealous of?
Everything is relative... AS if a mathetimatician said that! ah. Well here's couple of things i learned today....
1. Sometime you actually just don't know, you don't feel the vibe you dont get it, you're actually just a clueless person who did what they thought they should do. And you know what fine if that leaves you uncomfortable.. You'll figure the answer eventually, and atleast
2. We judge, we always judge an there's no shame to it
3. We , as human beings have to laugh at the most innapropriate time.
4. Nothing NOTHING in life is sure... (appart like death, and like the paying tax thing)
5. Usually things don't go the way you thought they'd go. Turns out they always find the right track if you freak out lil
6. Yeah yeah if we think we're in hell we'll enjoy more the fact that we're on earth
7. We're never as cool as we think we are.. but we're always cooler then how much of a looser we think we are
9. Yeah we should always be doing something else that what we're actually doing. But hey, we'll go do it if we want
10. Ah let yu tell me what you learned today!
I'm a disaster of pms
06.01.08 (3:12 pm) [edit]Yeah yeah, guys get over it I'm about to talk about my pms problems. If its not your kind of talk then move on and just stop reading.
I'm a pms disaster, my hormones get the worst out of me. hought so i like to blame everything on them (hey it's a good excuse or e!) i still hate their living guts. I decided to make a little list of the kind of things i can get out of my pms. Like many womans do, i decided to range them in differente categories. Hear me out.
The lightning : I get this one alsmot every month.. Atleast 2/3. I get the hots for any living-manly-human being on earth. Teachers,coworkers,friend s, bus drivers name it i get the hot for it ! You wouldnt imagine how much naked man my mind can see when im in this "lightning" round. It's incredible, i just want to take there shirt offs and do them wrong.
The Drama queen : for instance people could say as a girl i'm naturaly born to do drama, but forget it, when the pms dramaqueen comes in, everything is horrible. The whole wide world is againsnt me. I'm not loved, I'm a losser, I'm fat, I'm ugly, nobody will ever like me, my friends are mean, my bestfriend is a douche bag ... I pass all the things that are going wrong in my life.
The bitch : oh yeah, every body is agaisnt me, so i'm going to go against everbody. I hate you, i think your dumb are words that i say when i get in that mood. Every one is on my last nerve and i'm just waiting to explode! I play with people limits and i say what's on my mind. I get rude obnoxious and i just can't stand ANYBODY while this happens. Its like, get out of my way dear.
The blizzard: I'm lost, im confused and i have no idea what the fuck i want. Here's what you might head me say :" I love him, oh no i don't.. Why is he not texting me back! Omg he's so dumb i hate him.. BUT WHY IS HE NOT TEXTING ME BACK!? omg he hates me, noooo I don't want him to hate me. Whatever I don't care... * OMG he did text me yayyy ! But why is he not talkative? Omg he doesnt like me anymore.. He's mad at me! OMG OMG OMG I'm freaking out here! Ah i'll ask him why, no I wont , should I? No that'd be dumb... But maybe he wants me to ak him!:O Wait, he wrote something, ah... Why is he not like before? We're drifting appart, i liked him... But he doesn't like me anymor.. He's so mean i hate him. I hope he chokes. Awh i'm so mean, I'm gonna go in hell for saying that. WTF hell? I'm a crazy... OMG he stopped texting me again. What an idiot i hate him again. Ah why the hell woud he not text me? He use to text me back all the time? Did i change? I'm a bothering him? Omg whateva ... " Oh and yeha, this happens in less then an hour. Imagine how long it is to live with myself when i'm in a blizzars mood!
The Thunder storm : OMG watch out! Shits about to hit the fan! I' have something to say and i will say it. Similar to the bitch the thunder is a mix of everything... I praticly become a horny bitch who's stuck in a blizzard. Its horrible, plus i have like the worst pain ever. " I hate my family my friends, then suddentlyi want to DO my friends.. But then wait, i don't just want to do them i love them.. But why are they not loving me back? Omg im ugly and not funny".. boohoo i let you figure out the rest of this story.. Its just ah so crazy.
Ah guy's don't know what they're missing.. Stupid time of the month who's pretty much lastig 10 pays ( PRE menstrual syndrom+the syndrom it self = 10 fucking days). And i'm not just talking about the mental ilness here, I'm also talking about he stupid fact i have to shove a fuckin tampon up there and make sure to change it. Watch out my ass to see if its not covered of RED SPOTS, mentally desire man 'cause obviously i won't DO them when i'm in my "time of the month" bla bla. I'm also talking about the back pains, the cramps, the head aches, the mood swings, the bloating, the boob pain the fuckin everything.
And all of that just to have a stupid child ( i love babies don't get me wrong) AH. I get why back then ppl would ALWAYS DO it when they were in theyre time of the month. not only where they horny but atleast they got the chance to get pregnant and STOP the thing for a year!
AH .
Why isnt he fucking texting me BACK?
x's o's mari-pms-anne